- "If you know you're getting into a situation where you're going to marry a person and there's already in-law issues, seriously think twice before taking that step and make sure you seek out some sort of marriage and family therapist or counselor or somebody who can give you professional guidance."
Letting the problem fester may lead to you and you alone taking the blame for the uneasy parent-in-law relationship, Fulbright warns.
That's hard advice to take because parents often don't get along with the spouses of their kids. However, I have another reason to add to that. The spouse might eventually agree with the parent. I have a friend who says he doesn't want to tell women he doesn't want to date them because his mom doesn't like them, but she usually turns out to be right. Now, I'll agree that one of the girls was totally loopy, but I find myself agreeing with the second girl in question on a number of issues. The truth is his mother doesn't like any woman he hangs out with except for me. Therefore, he tries to push me into giving him a chance. He just doesn't realize if I couldn't develop feelings in so many years, it's not going to happen. Perhaps if I could get his mother to see me the way some people on here do. lol. Problem is that he probably would too.
Sorry if that were too many personal thoughts there. But yeah, I do agree the mommy/daddy issue can be bigger than one thinks.Mrs. SVPete and I recently had to consider this from the POV of potential in-laws. Of the three parents-in-law in our marriage (one of our parents had died >10 years before we met), one was quite difficult, literally posing a, "Me or your spouse," choice. Mrs. SVPete and I are still married, and that parent-in-law is now deceased.
Anyway ... Mrs. SVPete and I made a very conscious decision not to be difficult parents-in-law; we aren't complaining that our new family member is a delightful person! - SVPete
I made the decision to stay out of my sons' lives years ago and try to be the MIL that I would like to have, hoping it's working. Mothers of sons can become terribly protective and possessive. I've been on the suffering end of that issue, so probably try too hard to not be guilty of that.
Lanie, if you have a potential MIL pulling for you, that's a real bonus.
We have friends here who really went through hell with his mom, who did the spouse or me thing. She told me that he chose her, which was a wise choice. She's a heck of a friend and he's a lucky man, made the right decision, although it cost him his inheritance. Sounds like the mom was a real witch.
"- Maybe, but my gut instincts keep screaming no. I'll feel trapped. In my mind, I can't develop those feelings for him, there are things about him I find disturbing, and the truth is I'll flat out feel trapped. People don't understand why I feel that way. They think I should jump at the chance because of how old I am. Besides, I'm not a good plug just because I happen to be able to fit the socket.
One time, his mom was in the hospital. She told her son she wanted some donuts. I expressed concern about giving her that when she's diabetic and he got mad at me.
Okay, I need to stop before this ends up in whiny zone.Wow. She does sound like a witch.Originally Posted by SaintLouieWoman
I would rather end up with the right person rather then have money and be stuck in a bad relationship. Sounds like the guy made the right decision. -
Sin City Moderator
- Join Date
- Apr 2006
- Location
- Nevada
- Posts
- 16,687
07-28-2014, 12:45 AM
There is either a spark or not a spark. If you have known him for a while and only consider him to be a friend, trying to force yourself, or allowing him to force you to turn it into something more then that (ie: romance) then that sends up plenty of red flags right there.
I've found the harder someone pushes, the harder I push away at times, that is not just when it comes to relationships, but life in general.
If people do not understand why you feel that way, then so be it, it's your choice, not theirs to make for you, sounds like even more pressure. No wonder you feel so trapped, you are getting hit from all directions.
Some guys simply can't have female friends without expecting more. I'm not sure why. They can't accept it.
I think you answered your own question here:
He just doesn't realize if I couldn't develop feelings in so many years, it's not going to happen -
Power CUer
- Join Date
- Oct 2008
- Location
- Warren, MI
- Posts
- 12,528
That's why I'm waiting to find Mr. Right and settle down. If I wait long enough, I won't have to worry about having a mother in law.
-
Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2014
- Location
- Blue State Hell
- Posts
- 663
Lanie, I agree with RJ. I think you've already answered your own question.
I'm a big believer in pre-marital counseling and seminars. If you aren't on the same page after six months of that, you probably aren't right for each other.Obama isn't the problem. The problem is an electorate that would vote a man like him into office. -
Senior Member
- Join Date
- Apr 2014
- Posts
- 466
That was my MIL. I spent every Thanksgiving/Christmas/Easter/Forth and other holidays with them except for 2 in 16 years with the in laws. My X-wife was scared to death of upsetting her mother.
Funny thing, before I married the "X", her mother thought I was the greatest fellow that ever was and father law disliked me intensely. After the first year of marriage things had turned 180 degrees. FIL still thought I was a good fellow and he and I stayed on excellent terms for years even after the "X" and I divorced.
You Should 'Seriously Think Twice' Before Marrying Someone With Parents Like This
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment